#5

Been having tons of assignment recently. Barely had the time to actually sit down and take a break. But I'm actually having a couple of days to myself and something hit me. I guess that's what leads me here to this blog.

Well, I guess I was ignored. By her. Or maybe she's just trying to avoid me. I don't know.

Now I'm starting to wonder if it was the right thing to do to actually confess my feeling to her again. I mean I honestly wanted to tell her, I really want her to know how I felt and I'm actually serious the entire time, even after we broke up. I really want to redeem myself, to fight for someone I truly love. But maybe she's already moved on. Maybe she's already over it. Maybe I'm not the person I used to be in her life anymore. I don't know. Who knows?

If I hadn't told her how I felt. Maybe, just maybe things wouldn't be as bad as now? Maybe she wouldn't feel uneasy, maybe she wouldn't feel uncomfortable or weirded out and start to avoid/ignore me? Maybe she'd see me on a better page than as of now? Maybe the tension between us wouldn't even exist. Maybe if I didn't, things would be completely different. I don't know. Who knows?

From the way she's treating me right now. I can clearly see that she's pushing me away. I don't get it. When she sorta rejected me. She said she'd totally understand if I were to avoid her or not wanting to talk to her. But no. I still treat her the same, I do not intend to avoid her or ignore her or whatsoever. I'm trying my best to accept the fact that she doesn't see me the same way I see her. But in fact, she's the one avoiding me, pushing me away, cutting me off. What is she really thinking? What does she feel right now? What is her true intentions? I don't know. Who knows?

In spite of all the advises or opinion by people around me. I guess I'll just have to stick to what my mind tells me and what my heart truly wants. Some tells me to move on, some tells me that they'll always have my back no matter what I decide to do, some tells me to not put much hope into it. I get it. They want the best for me. I really really appreciate it, sincerely. But at the end of the day, everything is down to me. It's me, myself, that is the subject of this matter. I'll wait, I'll persevere, I'll be persistent, I'll hang on, I'll stay strong.. But what of a person you'll be when you come back., I can't tell. Is this worth the shot? Yes. Will it work out? I don't know. Who knows?

4:59PM.