Been having tons of assignment recently. Barely had the time to actually sit down and take a break. But I'm actually having a couple of days to myself and something hit me. I guess that's what leads me here to this blog.
Well, I guess I was ignored. By her. Or maybe she's just trying to avoid me. I don't know.
Now I'm starting to wonder if it was the right thing to do to actually confess my feeling to her again. I mean I honestly wanted to tell her, I really want her to know how I felt and I'm actually serious the entire time, even after we broke up. I really want to redeem myself, to fight for someone I truly love. But maybe she's already moved on. Maybe she's already over it. Maybe I'm not the person I used to be in her life anymore. I don't know. Who knows?
If I hadn't told her how I felt. Maybe, just maybe things wouldn't be as bad as now? Maybe she wouldn't feel uneasy, maybe she wouldn't feel uncomfortable or weirded out and start to avoid/ignore me? Maybe she'd see me on a better page than as of now? Maybe the tension between us wouldn't even exist. Maybe if I didn't, things would be completely different. I don't know. Who knows?
From the way she's treating me right now. I can clearly see that she's pushing me away. I don't get it. When she sorta rejected me. She said she'd totally understand if I were to avoid her or not wanting to talk to her. But no. I still treat her the same, I do not intend to avoid her or ignore her or whatsoever. I'm trying my best to accept the fact that she doesn't see me the same way I see her. But in fact, she's the one avoiding me, pushing me away, cutting me off. What is she really thinking? What does she feel right now? What is her true intentions? I don't know. Who knows?
In spite of all the advises or opinion by people around me. I guess I'll just have to stick to what my mind tells me and what my heart truly wants. Some tells me to move on, some tells me that they'll always have my back no matter what I decide to do, some tells me to not put much hope into it. I get it. They want the best for me. I really really appreciate it, sincerely. But at the end of the day, everything is down to me. It's me, myself, that is the subject of this matter. I'll wait, I'll persevere, I'll be persistent, I'll hang on, I'll stay strong.. But what of a person you'll be when you come back., I can't tell. Is this worth the shot? Yes. Will it work out? I don't know. Who knows?
4:59PM.
Friday, May 6, 2016
#4
The five people you meet in heaven by Mitch Albom.
Told myself to finish this book last year but didn't manage to. However, I got myself to finish this book. And let me tell you, I'm not a book type of person. But as I flipped page by page, I got more and more hooked onto this book. It has kept me on my toes, wanting to know what continues in the coming pages. Honestly, I didn't expect myself to actually finish reading this book. There's just something about this book that got me so into it. This read got me thinking real hard, like so much harder than when I think during examinations.
So basically, this book tells you a tale about Eddie who met five different person in heaven. & these five person has appeared in his life at a point of time that Eddie might or might not have noticed. There's a reason why the five person exist in his life. And what did Eddie learned from this five separate meetings? I am not gonna spoil it anymore, but you should really give it a try and read it!
Anyways like I've mentioned, this got me thinking real hard.
What I acquired from this read is that perception is important. Everything happens for a reason, maybe something bad happened to you but something good might have happened to another person that was involved in the particular event. Always try to look at things from a different perspective. Not everything is about you. Try to understand why a person might have gotten angry at you by being in their shoes. Maybe you did spurt out something offensive or might have said something personal that affected the other person. Another scenario could be when a couple breaks up, maybe one of them is happier that way and the other one is having the worst time of his/her life. But you have to see things from a different angle. Maybe it's the best for the other party. Maybe he/she has gone through a tough time during the relationship. Maybe it's for the best. & maybe when you manage to have a look at the bigger picture, then you realize what's right and what went wrong. Learn from it. What I'm saying here is that we as human being should try to look at things differently and not to always be narrow minded. Well, at least I guess that's one of the lessons I learned from this read and how it is so relatable to my current situation.
4:42PM.
Told myself to finish this book last year but didn't manage to. However, I got myself to finish this book. And let me tell you, I'm not a book type of person. But as I flipped page by page, I got more and more hooked onto this book. It has kept me on my toes, wanting to know what continues in the coming pages. Honestly, I didn't expect myself to actually finish reading this book. There's just something about this book that got me so into it. This read got me thinking real hard, like so much harder than when I think during examinations.
So basically, this book tells you a tale about Eddie who met five different person in heaven. & these five person has appeared in his life at a point of time that Eddie might or might not have noticed. There's a reason why the five person exist in his life. And what did Eddie learned from this five separate meetings? I am not gonna spoil it anymore, but you should really give it a try and read it!
Anyways like I've mentioned, this got me thinking real hard.
What I acquired from this read is that perception is important. Everything happens for a reason, maybe something bad happened to you but something good might have happened to another person that was involved in the particular event. Always try to look at things from a different perspective. Not everything is about you. Try to understand why a person might have gotten angry at you by being in their shoes. Maybe you did spurt out something offensive or might have said something personal that affected the other person. Another scenario could be when a couple breaks up, maybe one of them is happier that way and the other one is having the worst time of his/her life. But you have to see things from a different angle. Maybe it's the best for the other party. Maybe he/she has gone through a tough time during the relationship. Maybe it's for the best. & maybe when you manage to have a look at the bigger picture, then you realize what's right and what went wrong. Learn from it. What I'm saying here is that we as human being should try to look at things differently and not to always be narrow minded. Well, at least I guess that's one of the lessons I learned from this read and how it is so relatable to my current situation.
4:42PM.
Wednesday, April 20, 2016
#3
So I've returned to rant on something.
Some people should learn to mind their own damn business!
That being said, some people, not being specific here. But yeah, they should really do everyone a favor and shut their mouth. Or if they wanna make a fuss, go bark at a tree or something. These people just wanna watch the world burn and people suffer for the sake of their own pleasure. I mean like come on man, we're already 20 over years old. Time to cut off some immaturity and think rationally.
I understand some people do have a purpose to bring up certain issues or topic. But at least tell the truth and not the fake story, don't start a rumor you don't even have evidence to begin with or accusing someone of doing something they didn't. What do you get out of it? Nothing. You're basically bringing misery to the person you're telling it to and the person involved in your bullshit.
I do admit, I was involved in the rumor you spread. But you totally misinterpreted my doings. And what was the result of your actions? You brought anger, sadness and confusion upon the innocent people like me and the person you told. Do not assume that the reason behind my actions are this this this or whatsoever. Try putting on my shoes before you want to jump into conclusions smart ass.
Do you actually feel good doing it? Do you enjoy watching people suffer because of your selfish act? For your own pure pleasure? Was it relevant? Was it rational?
Ask yourself these questions before you wanna spread rumors and cause a ruckus to the life of the innocent ones. Or better yet, just mind your own damn fucking business! What does this have to do with you anyway? Are you affected by it? If you are then just come up to both of us and just talk things out like what an adult would do. Not just spread some fake rumor and lay low.
Trust me, I will find out who you are. And when I do, I'll get you to talk things out with me and only me. I'm not gonna resolve to violence or making your life miserable. I just wanna know the purpose of your actions and whether you have something against me or what not. Time to implement some maturity and rationality into your goddamn brain. Better pray to God that I'll be in a good mood.
Back to studying for me. Don't wanna waste anymore time on an imbecile like you.
4:13AM.
Some people should learn to mind their own damn business!
That being said, some people, not being specific here. But yeah, they should really do everyone a favor and shut their mouth. Or if they wanna make a fuss, go bark at a tree or something. These people just wanna watch the world burn and people suffer for the sake of their own pleasure. I mean like come on man, we're already 20 over years old. Time to cut off some immaturity and think rationally.
I understand some people do have a purpose to bring up certain issues or topic. But at least tell the truth and not the fake story, don't start a rumor you don't even have evidence to begin with or accusing someone of doing something they didn't. What do you get out of it? Nothing. You're basically bringing misery to the person you're telling it to and the person involved in your bullshit.
I do admit, I was involved in the rumor you spread. But you totally misinterpreted my doings. And what was the result of your actions? You brought anger, sadness and confusion upon the innocent people like me and the person you told. Do not assume that the reason behind my actions are this this this or whatsoever. Try putting on my shoes before you want to jump into conclusions smart ass.
Do you actually feel good doing it? Do you enjoy watching people suffer because of your selfish act? For your own pure pleasure? Was it relevant? Was it rational?
Ask yourself these questions before you wanna spread rumors and cause a ruckus to the life of the innocent ones. Or better yet, just mind your own damn fucking business! What does this have to do with you anyway? Are you affected by it? If you are then just come up to both of us and just talk things out like what an adult would do. Not just spread some fake rumor and lay low.
Trust me, I will find out who you are. And when I do, I'll get you to talk things out with me and only me. I'm not gonna resolve to violence or making your life miserable. I just wanna know the purpose of your actions and whether you have something against me or what not. Time to implement some maturity and rationality into your goddamn brain. Better pray to God that I'll be in a good mood.
Back to studying for me. Don't wanna waste anymore time on an imbecile like you.
4:13AM.
Monday, April 18, 2016
#2
The last time I've blogged was almost 2 years ago. A slight update for the past two years.
- I've transferred from Sunway University to Monash University.
- Didn't get to complete a transfer to Australia.
- Currently attempting to complete an exchange to Australia instead.
- Got in and out of a relationship, with the person I love the most.
Well, life hasn't been going pretty well for me. It's been a roller coaster ride, filled with ups and downs. My entire life right now is in a turmoil. But it's fine, we learn something over everything that happens. It's life, it's inevitable. We just have to make the best outta it.
Long story short, I got into my first REAL relationship with this girl. Let's call her R. What do I mean by real? By real I mean, someone that can make my heart skip a beat just by her name popping up on my phone, someone that gives me butterflies in my tummy whenever I see her or hear her voice, someone that is always there for me during tough times, someone I can be myself around, someone that I can tell anything and everything to, someone that still chooses me knowing that I'm filled with flaws. Basically she completes me, her love for me is the best feeling in the world, & undoubtedly, my love for her is undying.
Shit happened, we broke up on a mutual agreement slightly after 8 months of being together. Honestly, I didn't wanted to agree with her idea of breaking up because she can't see us going any further based on how the situation was at that time. But one thing I really prioritized was her happiness. I thought that she would be happier that way, I thought that if breaking up makes her happy then I'll comply to it, I thought it was true that if you really love someone, let them go because if she's the one, she'll definitely come back. I was wrong, I was so wrong. That was the worst mistake I can make, my actions have been haunting me everyday till this day.
I believe in one thing. 'Fight for something you truly believe in, never ever give up. Just because you can't have it now, doesn't mean you can't have it later.' With that saying, I returned to her after 7 months of breaking up (we were still friends, we still talk to each other every now and then) to tell her how I've been feeling. I had to pour my heart out, there's no way holding it in. I didn't want to live life regretting on the things I didn't do, I didn't want to spend my entire life thinking of the 'what ifs'. But instead, I want to ensure that I've done what I could and I've tried my best.
Explanation, I only returned to her after 7 months (I know it's super long) for a few reasons. Firstly, I spent few months after the break up to figure out what went wrong and and what were the mistakes that I've regrettably made. I've got the answer within that few months. But why didn't you explain to her if you already got the answer? Here comes the second reason why, I was so disappointed with myself for letting her down. I couldn't find the guts to go up to her. Frankly speaking, I've sorta feel that I might have taken her for granted during our relationship. & I couldn't face her.
After confronting her, she took almost a week to give me an answer. & her answer was that she's already moved on. She feels that whatever happened in the past, should stay in the past. She don't see us being a thing again, she lost faith. It was heartbreaking. I don't blame her, not a single bit. I do understand where she's coming from. Who on earth would still have feelings for someone after breaking up for 7 months. This ain't no fairy tale. But it's just so sad that she complete cut off the chances of us being a thing again. & that's that. Nothing more to continue.
I'm pretty secretive with this blog, no one knows of this blog. So here I am, taking the chance to rant everything out in attempt to make myself feel better. I just need to let it out.
Dear R, I know that it's really unfortunate that we have to end up like this. But there's a few things I wanna say. Everything I'm about to say is from my heart, the heart you touched, the heart that belongs to you, the heart that has immense love for you.
I sincerely wish you all the best in your work and travel, holiday and intern. Hope you'll meet more people, experience a different exposure, and have the best time of your life over there. I'll always be here for you, always. I'll always be the ear to listen to you when you wanna talk about how great your day was or how angry you are or how you've had the best meal over there, the shoulder for you to cry or lean on when you're sad, the person that always support you in whatever you do. Being on the other side of the world from you for 6 months will be very difficult for me. I can promise you that I'll try to move on and learn from my mistakes just like what you've told me to. But, whether if I'll be able to do so will be an entirely different thing. You need to know a couple of things.
You've planted a seed of love in me,
a seed that breeds indescribable, undying love,
a kind of love that will continue to grow as time passes.
You made me fall heads over heels for you,
when I fall for someone, I fall really hard and I don't give up on that person,
I will never give up on you. My love for you will never change, it will only grow.
You make me the happiest & luckiest person on earth,
every minute, every second spent with you feels like paradise.
I cherish all the time I've spent with you, and regret the times I didn't.
You make me feel so special,
you made me feel real love for the very first time,
that is when I realized that my love for you is genuine, it will always be.
You are the one,
you might think that I'm just talking shit,
but no. I see you as someone I'll be spending my entire life with.
One day, one day.
Who knows if the person I eventually become one day, will be person you've been looking for the entire time. I hope it'll be a right person, right timing result for us in the end.
For now, I guess I just have to try to accept the fact and learn from the mistakes made. & when you return, I'll prove you wrong. I'll show you how much you mean to me and how much I love you.
R,
I miss you,
and I love you.
7:15AM.
- I've transferred from Sunway University to Monash University.
- Didn't get to complete a transfer to Australia.
- Currently attempting to complete an exchange to Australia instead.
- Got in and out of a relationship, with the person I love the most.
Well, life hasn't been going pretty well for me. It's been a roller coaster ride, filled with ups and downs. My entire life right now is in a turmoil. But it's fine, we learn something over everything that happens. It's life, it's inevitable. We just have to make the best outta it.
Long story short, I got into my first REAL relationship with this girl. Let's call her R. What do I mean by real? By real I mean, someone that can make my heart skip a beat just by her name popping up on my phone, someone that gives me butterflies in my tummy whenever I see her or hear her voice, someone that is always there for me during tough times, someone I can be myself around, someone that I can tell anything and everything to, someone that still chooses me knowing that I'm filled with flaws. Basically she completes me, her love for me is the best feeling in the world, & undoubtedly, my love for her is undying.
Shit happened, we broke up on a mutual agreement slightly after 8 months of being together. Honestly, I didn't wanted to agree with her idea of breaking up because she can't see us going any further based on how the situation was at that time. But one thing I really prioritized was her happiness. I thought that she would be happier that way, I thought that if breaking up makes her happy then I'll comply to it, I thought it was true that if you really love someone, let them go because if she's the one, she'll definitely come back. I was wrong, I was so wrong. That was the worst mistake I can make, my actions have been haunting me everyday till this day.
I believe in one thing. 'Fight for something you truly believe in, never ever give up. Just because you can't have it now, doesn't mean you can't have it later.' With that saying, I returned to her after 7 months of breaking up (we were still friends, we still talk to each other every now and then) to tell her how I've been feeling. I had to pour my heart out, there's no way holding it in. I didn't want to live life regretting on the things I didn't do, I didn't want to spend my entire life thinking of the 'what ifs'. But instead, I want to ensure that I've done what I could and I've tried my best.
Explanation, I only returned to her after 7 months (I know it's super long) for a few reasons. Firstly, I spent few months after the break up to figure out what went wrong and and what were the mistakes that I've regrettably made. I've got the answer within that few months. But why didn't you explain to her if you already got the answer? Here comes the second reason why, I was so disappointed with myself for letting her down. I couldn't find the guts to go up to her. Frankly speaking, I've sorta feel that I might have taken her for granted during our relationship. & I couldn't face her.
After confronting her, she took almost a week to give me an answer. & her answer was that she's already moved on. She feels that whatever happened in the past, should stay in the past. She don't see us being a thing again, she lost faith. It was heartbreaking. I don't blame her, not a single bit. I do understand where she's coming from. Who on earth would still have feelings for someone after breaking up for 7 months. This ain't no fairy tale. But it's just so sad that she complete cut off the chances of us being a thing again. & that's that. Nothing more to continue.
I'm pretty secretive with this blog, no one knows of this blog. So here I am, taking the chance to rant everything out in attempt to make myself feel better. I just need to let it out.
Dear R, I know that it's really unfortunate that we have to end up like this. But there's a few things I wanna say. Everything I'm about to say is from my heart, the heart you touched, the heart that belongs to you, the heart that has immense love for you.
I sincerely wish you all the best in your work and travel, holiday and intern. Hope you'll meet more people, experience a different exposure, and have the best time of your life over there. I'll always be here for you, always. I'll always be the ear to listen to you when you wanna talk about how great your day was or how angry you are or how you've had the best meal over there, the shoulder for you to cry or lean on when you're sad, the person that always support you in whatever you do. Being on the other side of the world from you for 6 months will be very difficult for me. I can promise you that I'll try to move on and learn from my mistakes just like what you've told me to. But, whether if I'll be able to do so will be an entirely different thing. You need to know a couple of things.
You've planted a seed of love in me,
a seed that breeds indescribable, undying love,
a kind of love that will continue to grow as time passes.
You made me fall heads over heels for you,
when I fall for someone, I fall really hard and I don't give up on that person,
I will never give up on you. My love for you will never change, it will only grow.
You make me the happiest & luckiest person on earth,
every minute, every second spent with you feels like paradise.
I cherish all the time I've spent with you, and regret the times I didn't.
You make me feel so special,
you made me feel real love for the very first time,
that is when I realized that my love for you is genuine, it will always be.
You are the one,
you might think that I'm just talking shit,
but no. I see you as someone I'll be spending my entire life with.
One day, one day.
Who knows if the person I eventually become one day, will be person you've been looking for the entire time. I hope it'll be a right person, right timing result for us in the end.
For now, I guess I just have to try to accept the fact and learn from the mistakes made. & when you return, I'll prove you wrong. I'll show you how much you mean to me and how much I love you.
R,
I miss you,
and I love you.
7:15AM.
#1
Back to blogging. The post below is my last post. Time to start all over again.
Tuesday, 4 November 2014
#1
You ever experienced waking up one day not liking a single thing about yourself? You question your own height, you question your own weight, you question your own looks, you question everything you see in the mirror. Screw that, go wash up! After cleaning yourself and yet you still feel so damn insecure? What would people think of me? Are my thighs fat in this pants/shorts? Are my scars ugly? Am I cool enough? Screw all these insecurities in you.
You see, the problem is that we spend too much time portraying ourselves as someone we're not just to please others. During the process, we lose our true selves. We forget who we are in the very first place. We lose ourselves. So what if you are short? So what if you are plus size? You are born this way, so fuck what others say about you. Those who matter to you, don't mind and those who mind, don't matter to you.
You do not exist on this planet to please every single person out there. Keep that in mind! Truth to be told, people will never stop talking and they will always have their own opinions. They can be criticising you, gossipping about you all day long but at the end of the day, does it really matters to you? Just sit back, grab your popcorn and just watch how these imbecile do their empty talks about you.
.
You gotta know that certain people find pleasure in bringing down others, but do you know what pisses them off? Staying above them. Yes, that's it! People try to bring you down for a reason, that's because they are below you. Try not to allow these tricks affect your self esteem. You may not see but there are many individuals out there that entirely lock themselves inside, they have withdrew themselves from the real world just because their self esteem has been damaged. Now you see how people's opinion and comments can be so hurtful, don't you?
You shall never, I repeat, never, allow these insignificant opinions bring you down at any point in life. I know I know, not everyone is born with the mentality to ignore these input of comments and just be themselves. But it is so important and beneficial to create a strong mentality that enables you to withstand a variety of opinions and criticism thrown at you.
You try so hard being someone you are not, someone that the people around you admire, in hope that they will like you, they want to be around you. But have you ever question yourself if you really enjoy acting as the person you are not? Why not just be your freaking self, and let that be the reason why people like you, the reason why people enjoy your presence, the reason why people like having you.
You don't spend the rest of your life living with these people around you, you spend the rest of your life with nobody but yourself instead (besides your family, of course). The most crucial aspect you gotta work on is being comfortable with yourself. Do not allow yourself to live life with regrets and insecurities. What you build yourself into, will be what you wear for the rest of your life. So put down all your insecurities and your negativity, start being you!
All in all, I just want to remind all the people out there going through the same situation to stop being someone you're not. You have to learn to put yourself first, sometimes we do have to be a little selfish in life. Stay strong and stay true to yourself, you gotta love yourself nevertheless. Now, take a moment to notice that every single paragraph before this starts with a you and ends with a you. So yeah, everything is about you! You, yourself, is what really matters.
4:15AM.
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